Sushi Express

Saturday, May 27, 2006

Good ol' days

Having my fair dose of hdb flat-watching for the past few days had made my eyes sore and my creativity stagnated. What i see are just flats flats and more flats of the same designs. Sure, they might be totally identical to one another, but still. I'm afraid if i spend anymore time looking at these splitting images of one another my head is going to split from the scarier-than-'the ring' nightmares. It doesn't take much effort to realise what the blueprint of the government's floorplan of singapore is. Roads, canals, flats and car parks all jumbled efficiently into a small pocket of land. Plus with a whole lot of trees to give the place a naturesque feel. The gloomy skies don't exactly help in making our country look like a scenery-award winning city.

This is when the past memories of japan and redang start creeping in. Where are the nice blue skies of hokkaido? What about the 'melts in your hands, and also in you mouth' white snow? And those sandy shores of redang; the clear as tapwater seawater? Where are they????

_| ̄|○

I........ must......... have......... the best of both worlds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Now ain't that a spiffy idea?

Thursday, May 25, 2006

The day of a HDB flat Photographer

Don't laugh. I am really a photographer who's main aim is to take pictures of the most unimaginatively designed buildings in the world. The employer, called Informap, specialises on making 3-d maps of cities including singapore, moscow and paris, to name a few. Just what goes on behind the scenes is anybody's guess - they could be terrorists for all i know. What i know is there are currently 3,032,908 designs of hdb flats in singapore concocted a few centuries back by the boring-est, most stale-minded people of that time. What's remarkable is their blueprints remain so successful for small cities like ours that it's still used today.

So what does a hyperactive, approaching-30-years-old male (YES, 6 more years and all of us doggies will be 30) does on his workdays? First, he sets a time to wake up in the morning the night before, maybe at 8. Then he waits for alarm to ring, turns it off, then goes back to nua for another 30 minutes. A piece of bread is all he takes for breakfast for this physically demanding job, and soon he will feel in his knees the repercussions of taking in so little carbohydrates.

Wait a minute, physically demanding you say? Of course it is. Imagine walking around the vast neighborhood in the hot sun with nothing on except a bag and a singlet and berms and with a camera strap clad around the neck, not to mention climbing stairs or walking a few hundred metres down the road so as to capture the perfect shot (you should understand that flats are humongous). And i am not talking about 3 or 4 blocks of flats here either. It's a WHOLE neighborhood, e.g. from blocks 326 to 350, which is like 2,756 blocks of flats. Do the math, and my average energy output per day rivals that of a marathon runner carrying a camera round his neck. Just to take pictures like those below:

At this point it is perfectly normal to feel bored. If you are not, then you must be either one of the evil culprits behind the hdb designing team, a person who has flats fetish, a stalker who likes to peep into the windows hoping to come across something delightful, or that you are simply someone who's looking for a flat to stay in .

It is never always that smooth-sailing , this job. Like for example the picture below. Those darn trees are blocking what is looking to be a perfect overview shot of block 352 if not for those darn trees. But luckily i smart: Put in a playground and there you go, awwww a nice homely scene of family wonderness.


As if having a formidable adversary in mother nature is not enough, i have to overcome obstacles such as drains, roads and perfectly-parked-and-blocking-my-view cars or even worse lorries. Most of the time i have to venture onto muddy grass, fend off giant red ants gnawing at my feet, scale the slopes of mini hills, swing from tree to tree, leopard crawl underneath crevices, absail down building walls, swim across flooded canals, duel with giant snakes, or even help old aunties cross the road.

Today an even perculiar situation came upon me. I was taking a break from the snapping, playing with a group of foraging pigeons. All i wanted was to take a picture of them happily nipping at the grass, but whenever i approached they sensed a hideous monster coming towards them and always flew away.


That was when i heard some leaves rustling and a thud on the ground. To my horror, i found this, the gruesome attempt on my life by one of the residents of the block which i was taking snapshots of.
Isn't this the most vicious weapon you had ever seen. On closer scrutiny, it is in fact a slice of eaten honeydew! OMFG OMFG OMFG!!!! An attempt, albeit failed, on my life with this horrendous piece of fruit! Shame on you, evil-heartlander-who-likes-fruits! Don't like me take pictures of your flat then want to silence me and my lens. Thankfully his aim was not that accurate, although only off by 2 metres. Nice try you piece of shit. I leave with my brains still firmly intact in my skull.

After realizing that the assailant could still be around, i scoured around for any signs of the hitman's traces left at the scene of the crime. No marks found, and can't find him. He must be a professional honeydew thrower. Damn you, honeydew killer, damn you. Oh crap, I should have taken the evidence and try to find out his identity by matching the teeth marks.

Dark clouds began looming above my head before i knew it, and thanks to the downpour that was too early due, i had to end my assignment prematurely for the day. So off i went cycling home in the rain with my equipment safely dry in my waterproof timbuk2 bag.

So what exactly is the smell of a photographer? A sensual exotic blend of sweat from 5 hours of toil and 10 minutes of a tropical climate rain.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Yes.

I know baby, i know. =)

Friday, May 19, 2006

Schnap snap click clack walla bang bang

Say goodbye to jobless haolun, for i am no longer a useless good for nothing citizen that has nothing to contribute to the country except for the carbon dioxide and methane constantly being emitted out of my fart engines. Yes, i shall soon see my cpf account buldging like nobody's business, thanks to the $1200 this job gives. If i ever had a name card, the word 'photographer' would be emblazoned proudly just below my name.

Yeah i am a photographer. Not one that takes pictures of borings stuff like pretty people or the old fashioned theme of landscapes. Heck, it's not even about taking photos of sceneries or even abstract stuff. Welcome the new gerneration of photographers with open arms. Embrace the new breed of shuttlers - the heartland photographer. The object of his lens - the amazingly photogenic HDB flats. The aim? To capture images of these gorgeous buildings to create a 3-d map of singapore for this company called Informap.

I am damn shag.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Shock jock

What the hell. A certain neighbour of mine, or more appropriately a 'once-close friend', was spotted on tv today by my couch potato siblings. It was the advert for the 'event' that neutrals love to watch, that purists would love to hate, the event that will send everyone clamouring for the participants, the event which is even more widely talked about by our apolitical denizens than the elections, the event which sends tinglings chills down both i-would-love-to-scream-till-i-am-hoarse tenny girls and sensible men like us. Behold - the competition that churns out the people-elected 'presidents' - s'pore idol.

And this friend of mine is actually one of the participants! Oh my god! Ok, due to the secrecy of the show and me fearing that i might actually get sued for leaking out the particulars of the participants, i will not be naming names here. Let's just leave it as that - a neighbour and a friend. Oh and he was from nanhua pri sch and SJI and he served his national service in the commandos and and we used to play basketball and playstation together everyday and his surname starts with 'L' and he's studying in nus arts now and i got a pair of shorts as a christmas present from his sweet parents last time and that his lay-up was better than his shooting in the zone and he has a dog which went missing a few months ago and he's gonna make block 436 famous.

I hope i didn't divulge too much haha. All the best jonathan - oops!

**WARNING**Everyone who has read this post is obliged to vote for him at least 10 times.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

A random update

Just back from redang and i must say that with all the negative hype coming from everyone (saying it wasn't as nice as it used to be, ever since the sammi cheng movie came out), i was hoping for the best that my $360 bucks will not be wasted. Well, to all the redang-detractors out there, you were wrong! Beautiful beaches, white sandy shores, clear blue water, marvellous weather were only some of the highlights of our trip. Nice honeymoon trip eh haha. I even dapao-ed some sand back.

It seems a little weird that the gang is now at NJ having the trip of their lives while i'm still having my butt firmly rooted here in big sunny S. It does make me feel a little jealous, i got to admit. But thankfully i have Evon by my side, which more than makes up for their absence. Better take care you guys.

P.S: Jw don't wear that red pouch in front of you while taking pictures. You look like a pseudo-superman. Haha.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Impossibly possible.

The day got off to an impossible note with me finding myself stranded in the middle of tampines mall with an improbable meeting with dear. We were there confused and wondering what the hell we were supposed to do when we saw a familar figure walk past - the 170 cm height ( i think its lesser); the fairer than zhang ziyi complexion; the buldging tummy that is seemingly tearing itself out of his white tight Benq handphone promoter uniform. No it can't be. Wait it must be. Surely it's him! That's lao yang! Aka yueqi or 'ah fat' as i endearingly call him.

Haha speaking of yueqi, without him there wouldn't be me and evon. No and i'm not saying that he impregnated both our mothers. Rather, he would have a hand in my fateful meeting with her. You could also say that he, of all people, would play the role of cupid for both of us. Those who are curious to know can actually read on.

I was born on november 23rd 1982, and being raised in a land where PAP will always walkover the elections, i have a liability that all 'grown' men in this state have - national service. So on this fateful day, the 16th of april 2001, i went off to one sunny island off the coast of north east singapore for my summer vacation which will be taking 2 and a 1/2 years of my most virile years. All men some more.

Aiyah dunno what to type arleady so fast forward some more and me and yueqi ended up being platoon mates for roughly 1 and a 1/2 years. Fast forward some more to the year 2004 and you see a fast maturing tummy of yueqi rendering his services to samsung mobile as a handphone promoter. And it was during this period of time when he was assigned to the now-defunct orchard singtel Hello shop when he knew evon. Then he jio-ed her to jump ship to samsung, where the employees all have fun together under the sun every weekend. Being the innocent doe-eyed typical girl-next-door, she had no choice but to oblige.

Fast forward further to december 24th 2004, and you see another familar figure, this time albeit taller, leaner, darker skinned samsung promoter working at singtel tampines mall. Always the one with a never-diminishing appetite, he decided it was due for him to go to the foodcourt upstairs and have his meal. After entertaining what would be his last customer before he packed up and go for his meal, he went off to take the escalator and what followed was an unforgettable event that would blow all your minds away. The escalator was an important plot device, for without it, the following event would never had happened. If he had taken the lift, for example, or even worse, gone to century square for lunch, this particular scenario would never had taken place.

Going up the escalator, welcoming him at the exit of the escalator was...... the M1 shop. Spotting an unknown girl wearing the same uniform as him standing in front of the glass cabinet containing the displays of the latests nokias and samsungs, he waved and smiled at her. Unfamilar to him, but colleague nonetheless, so smiled he did.

As they say, the rest is history.

What are the odds of that happening to someone? Most possibly highly impossible.

Oh, to wrap it all up, we watched mission impossible at tampines mall after meeting yueqi and dear had to go for her friends' birthday parties at pasir ris after the show. meanwhile i returned to the fateful piece of cold equipment designed to transport truckloads of people up from one level to another. Just to reminisce the good old times.

By the way the movie was good!