How to reduce stress

HOT.

Of donuts and money

It was just 36 hrs ago when i found myself sitting at a chair in a conference room located at the other side of the world from clementi, waiting for a big ang moh named John. As i contemplated the questions and answers that could possibly spring up during that 45 minute 'grilling' session (ok i did not think of any Q&A at all, thus i was thoroughly unprepared), a thought ran across my mind: Is working here really such a good idea? It's at pasir ris for buddha's sake! Guess I might as well try it out since i was already there (which was in fact a rarity by itself as my bum is the laziest in the world).

So in came John the big man and the interview kicked off. In came the usual questions, but credit to him for trying to make my feel as comfortable as possible by making the whole session very informal. The whole process ended with 'Thanks for coming down and good luck for your long train ride home. Will be calling you in a 1 or 2 weeks time or perhaps not at all. Please don't leave your personal belongings unattended and stand behind the yellow line.'

But there was one sentence which stirred me into doing something which I would never do even if you chop off my bells - 'Go queue for donuts, HL, since you are so free.'

Thoroughly heeding his advice, my lazy bum found itself down at Raffles city for the famous donuts specially catered to the eccentric/retirees/pontang students/bored housewives/curious passerbys/kiasu/feet masochist/post-interviewees/unemployed share a common goal - To queue for a bloody freaking 2 hours or more for 2 dozens donuts, which for 1 single donut you could finish it in exactly 5 chomps, or 20 seconds. To do the math: they are queuing for something for at least 2 hrs just to get that grand total of 8 minutes of gratification, which i say isn't a very good trade-off. And most probably they wouldn't be eating it all for themselves.

(*-delete where appropriate.)

But queue i still did, armed with my trusty issue of Today as well as my mp3 player to help me through these arduous times. Not even Today could save me, thanks to the at-least-30-strong-queue before me, so long is it that it appeared to be stretching away into the horizon without the shop in sight. My plight, as well as the plight of the throng of eccentric/retirees/pontang students/bored housewives/curious passerbys/kiasu/feet masochis/post-interviewees/unemployed* which magically formed behind me (thank the lord i came 10 minutes earlier otherwise i might still be there queueing for my million-dollar donuts now), was worsened by inconsiderate people in front. There were those who queued up individually and upon reaching the shop, their friends or colleagues would instantly appear and conveniently join the queue as if it were their divine right to do so. And i'm not talking about 1 or 2 there - ITS ONE WHOLE HORDE OF BLOODY THICK SKINNED ARSES NUMBERING UP TO 5 OR MORE! They have utterly no regard for the effort of the people who are queueing behind. Obviously this is a unethical move and if perpetual queue-cutters do that in hoping to get a fair share of the pie quicker, the management has to take a stance and impose on some rules to make it fair for the other customers. Maybe i should write in and complain.

For people who do not want to queue up to buy one whole bloody box of donuts, i also suggest cordoning off a small section to cater to those who just want to buy a single donut and f*** off. Surely there are some smart alecs there who think they can go to the counter 20 times, so why not take some effort into making sure these people won't queue more than once within a certain time frame. Please do not neglect customers who don't wish to buy in bulk and just want to grab a quick bite for fun. However, knowing how money-minded these entrepreneurs are, i doubt that will happen anytime soon. But, i beg of you, Mr Manager of Donut factory,in case you are reading this (highly improbable) - Do take my suggestion seriously. Do not neglect your smaller sales potential!

Upon reaching this 'landmark', I knew that I had succeeded in wasting approximately half of my day into doing hello-kitty-esque queueing. This meant that I had done something right. Unfortunately, this is also the point of the queue where I couldn't turn back and the only way out is to continue queueing lest all my efforts are wasted - Welcome, to the POINT OF NO RETURN.

The view as seen at the POINT OF NO RETURN. Notice the woman with the red handbag - She's supposedly the person queueing in front of me and I had to be very sharp to catch anyone who's evil enough to cut the queue by standing behind her and behaving in an innocent manner.

Some idiots obviously cannot see this sign which states theres another queue behind so to anyone who reads this, it also unfortunately means that there is another 1.5km long worth of queue made up of a potentially violent and angry mob of donutters BEHIND YOU. Ignore this sign at your own peril. You might get bombarded by glazed donuts.


The quest for the holy grail is beyond reach! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS MYYY PRECIOUSSSSS...I had survived the test of faith, and i came out a better man - with donuts that is. This queueing up process should be inducted into the army's passing out parade for recruits. It's no joking matter - I saw at least a dozen fit-looking ah pehs crumbling under the immense physical demands of moving 0.000000000001 metres per second during the queue as well as the tremendous boredom one could undergo, and they were promptly put onto evacuation beds and sent to the nearby hospital. This is definitely not for the faint-hearted.

Well, I was glad that dear was happy to get her donuts. Don't worry ya, even though there was this misunderstanding, there's no hard feelings on my part. =)

Just to leave you with a quote from my Prof, Dr. Chin , during today's tutorial:

"You all heard before this phrase, that 'Money is the root of all evil'. In fact, it is not. Somebody cleverly changed it, rephrasing it to be 'The love of money is the root of all evil'. In fact, I even have my own version, going one better than the previous one : The lack of money is the root of all evil'. That's my version."